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I had just finished having sex with my girlfriend and grabbed my laptop to Twitter about it. I forgot that my wife follows me on Twitter. FMSL

#314
16 Comments

I agree, you are screwed (41) - You deserved that one (1545)

Feb 4, 434 12:55 PM - Internet - by santoni

My stupid boyfriend said he hurt his knee skateboarding and made me blow him all day because he said that's the only way the pain goes away. I can't believe I fell for it. FMSL

#248
7 Comments

I agree, you are screwed (40) - You deserved that one (990)

Oct 8, 2009 07:36 AM - Misc - by Anonymous

I just started dating this cute girl from college, but I recently found out that she was sexually abused. She's all frigid and rightly so, but I have needs. So, one night while we were making out, I asked her if she'd blow me. She started crying. FMSL

#247
12 Comments

I agree, you are screwed (150) - You deserved that one (960)

Oct 8, 2009 07:35 AM - Misc - by Anonymous

I cheated on my girlfriend and caught gonorrhea. To cover it up, I had to tell her that I respect her so much that we should hold off on having sex until we're married. FMSL

#189
8 Comments

I agree, you are screwed (24) - You deserved that one (953)

Feb 4, 5943 12:54 PM - Misc - by Anonymous

I went into my room to have sex with my girlfriend when I was drunk and my dad was out, so after having sex with what I thought was my girlfriend, I turn my light on and found out it was my mom. FMSL

#285
18 Comments

I agree, you are screwed (321) - You deserved that one (903)

Oct 10, 2009 10:21 PM - Home - by david tapper

I cheated on my girlfriend of 2 years with a girl who: told me my body needs a lot of work to be marginally attractive, said my penis was grossly disappointing, reported my inadequacies to all my friends, and said she'd had, and would continue to have, much better partners. FMSL

#695
6 Comments

I agree, you are screwed (43) - You deserved that one (769)

Nov 12, 2009 05:52 AM - Misc - by Fail

I followed this pretty girl home from the mall to see where she lived. As she got out of her car to walk into her house, I was going to drive by and say "Oh... so that's where you live." But I thought that would come off as creepy. FMSL

#145
7 Comments

I agree, you are screwed (15) - You deserved that one (764)

Sep 25, 2009 08:17 PM - Car - by Anonymous

I was masturbating when my boss walks in sees me, then calmly walks to his office. Then, at the end of the day tells me not to come back to work. FMSL

#391
10 Comments

I agree, you are screwed (32) - You deserved that one (736)

Oct 22, 2009 12:34 AM - Work - by busted

I had this chick sucking my dick in her house and right as I was cumming she decided to point my dick towards my face and lick my balls, fucking whore almost got me in my eye with my own dick. FMSL

#234
7 Comments

I agree, you are screwed (80) - You deserved that one (729)

Oct 8, 2009 12:23 AM - Home - by balls

I masturbate a lot and started doing it in the mornings before I went to work and started going to work late everyday. I would look at porn online or read stories. After 6 months of doing this I got laid off from my job of 8 years. FMSL

#207
3 Comments

I agree, you are screwed (26) - You deserved that one (700)

Oct 6, 2009 04:04 PM - Work - by bob

I never had sex with a black girl and always wanted to. So, I called an escort service and requested a black girl. They made me pay in advance via credit card over the phone. No girl ever showed up. FMSL

#251
2 Comments

I agree, you are screwed (65) - You deserved that one (614)

Oct 8, 2009 09:01 AM - Phone - by Anonymous

I was watching hentai at my friends house and asked if I could use his Fleshlight, he said fine and I used it. I went to wash off and ended up running into his 37 year old mom, one thing led to another and we ended up having sex. Now she is pregnant. FMSL

#578
19 Comments

I agree, you are screwed (83) - You deserved that one (599)

Nov 4, 2009 01:33 AM - Home - by yung pup

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